On Sunday we bought a ring for me with Elliana's birthstone - amethyst. I don't know why, but I hadn't thought that shopping for it would mean I would be asked questions or have a chance to mention her. But the saleslady asked if it was my birthstone. I said "No, not mine. Our daughter was stillborn last month - it's hers." She took a breath and her eyes got wet. She reached out and touched my hand and said "I'm so sorry."
We carried on and I bought the ring. But it was so wonderful to be able to mention Elliana. To say "our daughter". To have someone see her with us.
I got the ring not to have anyone mention it or notice it, though that would be fine, but because I want to remind myself that I can keep her with me... I can carry her always, and I can move forward.



The only trouble with having it is that now Ruth wants something for herself to wear in memory. We have been planning to get her something, just haven't found the right thing yet. But we're working on that too.


A couple weeks ago a card came in the mail. It was from some of the moms from the "June 2012 due date group" I had been a part of.
Today we received this beautiful sculpture, commissioned by these mamas in memory of Elliana. It is breathtaking, bittersweet.



It was such odd timing, too. This morning Levi was hugging me and gave me a kiss. I said to Josh that's something that never gets old - feeling those little arms around your neck, feeling those tiny hands on your face. It hit me that I'll never get to feel Elliana's hugs or kisses... but I can imagine those tiny hands on my cheeks.
Just like this...