winter fair - 3.29

The kids are on spring break this week. We've done a lot of nothing so far, lazing around the house and playing - not a bad thing.
We spent yesterday at the winter fair in town, though. The kids had a good time; they all chose to save their allowance this month to take to the fair and buy something. In case you're wondering - Ruth bought a pink cowgirl hat (she's been wanting one for years), Zech bought a cowboy gun that shoots suction cup arrows, and Isaac bought a cowboys & indians toy set. All are being well used/worn and enjoyed. Levi did not buy something - he didn't seem to mind - but he loved all the tractors and animals (especially the horses and baby goats)!
A good day was had by all.
Oh, and at the evening show they had Acrobazia as special guests - amazing! Just wow.

There's no more major plans for the week. Isaac has been wanting to go to the movies ( just him and one of us) for months and months now, so Josh took him to see a matinee this afternoon - Suess' 'The Lorax'. Isaac really liked it, though he said the sad part was very sad and made a tear come in his eye. Sweet boy.
That's about the extent of our big spring break plans. Ruth does want to see if a friend can come over tomorrow for a sleepover - we'll see how that works out. And it's back to school for them on Monday. Although, really it's not much for back to school - back Monday to Thursday, Good Friday is a day off, then Monday and Tuesday are both PD days (days off). Another 5 day break!


Ice Show (3.16)

We've been having lovely weather (read: unseasonably warm... and wonderful!) the past couple weeks. Unfortunately it hit us the weekend before the Ice Show was to happen. We had above-zero temperatures and they were calling for highs in the teens through last week coming up to our proposed Ice Show date. Since we have a "real ice" rink (a barn basically, whatever temperature it is outside, it is inside, just without windchill) this was not good news for us. We managed to get photos done for the kids, but had to cancel lessons for the year and cancel our dress rehearsal. We weren't sure about the Ice Show happening at all, but we were able to rent ice time at a rink in a nearby town - obviously an artificial ice rink, which threw the kids for a loop when they first stepped on the ice!
We had to make a few changes to the night to cut back on ice and rink time (since we were paying for renting), but I think it still turned out very well.
Most importantly, the kids had fun and were able to show off all they've learned this year!
We got videos of all the kids routines (minus Levi, obviously, who doesn't skate yet).

Ruth - prefigure group "California Girl"
Ruth - small group "Yellow Polka Dot Bikini"
Isaac - small group "Surfin' Safari"
Ruth - solo "You Belong with Me"
Zech - power skating demo

(Bear with me as I'm trying to figure out a new way to share videos - using youtube instead of the other site I've used for years. I'll try to also add a link to our youtube account on the side of the blog... or get Josh to figure that out!)


On Sunday we bought a ring for me with Elliana's birthstone - amethyst. I don't know why, but I hadn't thought that shopping for it would mean I would be asked questions or have a chance to mention her. But the saleslady asked if it was my birthstone. I said "No, not mine. Our daughter was stillborn last month - it's hers." She took a breath and her eyes got wet. She reached out and touched my hand and said "I'm so sorry."
We carried on and I bought the ring. But it was so wonderful to be able to mention Elliana. To say "our daughter". To have someone see her with us.
I got the ring not to have anyone mention it or notice it, though that would be fine, but because I want to remind myself that I can keep her with me... I can carry her always, and I can move forward.

The only trouble with having it is that now Ruth wants something for herself to wear in memory. We have been planning to get her something, just haven't found the right thing yet. But we're working on that too.

A couple weeks ago a card came in the mail. It was from some of the moms from the "June 2012 due date group" I had been a part of.
Today we received this beautiful sculpture, commissioned by these mamas in memory of Elliana. It is breathtaking, bittersweet.

It was such odd timing, too. This morning Levi was hugging me and gave me a kiss. I said to Josh that's something that never gets old - feeling those little arms around your neck, feeling those tiny hands on your face. It hit me that I'll never get to feel Elliana's hugs or kisses... but I can imagine those tiny hands on my cheeks.
Just like this...


one month

One month ago today, at 7:10pm, our wee Elliana Lucy was stillborn.
One month ago today, we said hello and goodbye to our tiny baby girl.
One month ago today, our hearts were forever broken.

Sometimes it feels like it was a lifetime ago.
Sometimes it feels like we are still living in that day.

Tonight I lit a candle to remember our baby girl, our light.